Homestead Happenings

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Girls Night Out

I’m sure you read my previous post about our newest animal, Claire, but if you missed it you can read it here.  She is settling in and the goats have been coming out in the evenings to meet her.  They are all pretty cute.

goats and cow

girls night out

I think my little squad is better than these other iconic girl squads.

Bitch Chicken Antics

Bitch chicken continues to get out as she sees fit and has found a new place to lay her eggs (which are still not the baby blue color that the lady assured me she lays).  Also, Rita has started laying in here too, which is ironic because once upon a time we placed this in the goat pen for Rita and Betty to lay in and they refused, but now that it’s bitch chicken’s idea, it’s just great apparently.

bitch chickens eggs

Hay Gathering

It’s the time of year when we have to start getting hay to sustain the goats and cow through the snowy months.  I went with Tom and drove the truck for him while he picked up the bales from the field.  During this event I learned something about Tom too.  So, when we are grocery shopping he does this thing that makes me wanna punch in him the head a little bit.  He keeps the cart moving at all times so I feel like I have to run to catch up to put something in the cart, but it makes sense now.  He said growing up when he would pick up bales they would put the tractor in a low gear and have one guy in the field throwing up bales while another guy was in the back stacking them.  They would switch positions after a bit.  At the end of the row, one guy would run jump into the tractor and turn it and then they would start again with the next row.   While I was driving our truck in the field for him, he liked me to keep the truck slowly moving the whole time.  Now it at least makes sense to me why he runs the cart the way he does in the store.  I love learning new things about each other, especially after we have been together a bit.

hay pickup

Also, I drove the truck load of hay home with no tie downs and didn’t drop one bale.  I believe that earns me at least one little homestead wife gold star.

hay pickup 2

Chicks

Let’s not talk about chicks.  I had two rough experiences in a row.  No chicks this year.  Maybe next year.

Garden

My little garden is doing well and all my plants seem happy so far.

garden 1

garden 2

garden 3

I’ve got a bunch of veggies growing.  For tomato varieties I have: stupice, mortgage lifter, chocolate cherry, and banana legs.  I also have zucchini, eggplant, crookneck squash, three varieties of cucumber, lettuce leaf basil, lemon basil, lime basil, spearmint, cilantro, serrano peppers, jalapenos, mini bell peppers, yellow bell peppers, green beans and carrots.  I’m very excited for harvest time.

Bees

Our bees are still doing very well.  See the honey in this picture that they haven’t capped off yet?  Very exciting.  Up above where it is white, that is honey that they have already capped.

bees

Until Next Time

I’ll keep y’all updated with fun happenings around the homestead.

Maizy says bye.

maizy girl

This is how Claire says goodbye.

Claire butt

 

 

 

The Bachelorette Becca: Episode 7

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Bachelorette Recaps / Uncategorized

Welcome to the Bahamas.  Prepare for sweat, people.

Wills is wearing a leopard print romper.

There are currently six guys, and she is choosing which four families she will meet next week.  Becca arrives to tell the guys that there is no rose ceremony this week.  Instead, the four roses will be given out during the dates, three one-on-ones and one group date.  Before she leaves, she tells Colton the dates are starting right now and he’s getting the first one-on-one.

The elephant in the room is that all of these guys have had one-on-ones recently, but Blake has not had one since the very first one-on-one.

One-on-One- Colton

They walk out to a big catamaran for their enjoyment.  They kiss, swim, and sunbathe.  Just as he is about to chat with her, a yellow boat arrives.  Hey, it’s a dive instructor.  He is taking them conch diving.  There is a part inside that is a Bahamian aphrodisiac apparently.  So they eat the slimy thing.  I’ll just leave it at that.

All day Colton is telling us that he is going to need to tell her that he is a virgin.  The guys at the hotel are discussing his virginity all day long.  It’s “dinner” time so it is finally time since no dive instructors appear poised to jump out and interrupt.  He tells her he has focused on career rather than his personal life and because of that he is a virgin.  He tells her that there are only a handful of people who know- which I feel is fitting since it’s his personal sex life.  Becca is noticeably quiet and thanks him for telling her.  She then asks for a moment and gets up to walk away.  I may not fully understand this.  She seems very distraught.  After her walk in the moonlight she sits down and tells him that she would never judge him for this.

The guys are back at the hotel talking about how he needs to talk to her about virginity and other skeletons in the closet.  Other skeletons?  What else?  Does he volunteer?  Donate to charity?  Why do we care that he hasn’t met someone who he wants to be intimate with yet?  This is the second ISSUE revolving Colton this season that was a non-issue in my opinion.

She grabs the rose and says she wants to meet his family.  He gets a big smile on his face.

Colton comes back in with the first rose of this week right after the second date card was read with Garrett’s name on it.

One-on-One- Garrett

She is pumped for her second one-on-one with Garrett.  They embrace on the sand with a big kiss.  She tells them their ride is almost there.  Surprise!  It’s a seaplane.  It’s her first seaplane ride and his first seaplane ride.  They are seaplane virgins.

Not to worry, there is champagne in flight.  They land and spend time at their own private beach… that weirdly has a tire swing.

They chat about how she hasn’t seen him get down and discouraged through this process yet.  He says he doesn’t get like that very often.  He says he knows he isn’t perfect, she isn’t perfect, the world isn’t perfect, but they can be perfect together.

She is falling for him, but she still has questions for him.  She wants to make sure they have depth, as well as the physical part.  In the evening they talk about his previous marriage.  She is worried he would have doubts but maybe he would force through them just because he likes the idea of all of this.  He reassures her and tells her he is falling in love with her.  She says he made her night.  She is all smiles when she gives him the rose.

One-on-One- Blake

“You make my heart skip a beat”

Blake can finally take a breath since his name showed up on the card.

He meets her on the beach and she greets him with the famous jump and straddle.  The Baha Men are performing their new song.  There is much dancing going on and Blake almost has some rhythm even.

He tells her he had a rough week being in his head.  She encourages him.

In the evening she says she wants to learn more about him.  He talks about his parents being getting divorced.  Her mom had an affair with his basketball coach.  He discussed how incredibly difficult this was in a small town.  His family brushed a lot under the rug.  He found out that his mom was moving out from a girl at school.  He talks about how much he wants to raise his family with openness.  She agrees.

As the evening goes on he tells her that he is in love with her.  She tells him that he makes her heart very happy.  She gives him the rose and says she can’t wait to meet his family.

“With Blake, I just kind of know.  It’s something that I can’t even put into words, but I feel like my heart just recognizes his.”

“Blake and I are on the same page, but he doesn’t know it yet.”

This kid is going far, folks.

Three-on-One- Wills, Jason, Leo

The three guys boat out to meet Becca at some exclusive beach.  She is rocking white short-shorts. She tells them she knows it’s a rough situation, but hopes it won’t overshadow their day and that they will be able to have fun.

They play some beach volleyball and have a lot of laughs.

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She pulls Wills aside to chat first.  Wills talks about how much he wants her to meet his parents, who are about to celebrate their fiftieth wedding anniversary.  Wills admits that he has had a tough week.

Jason talks to her next.  They do a lot of kissing.

Leo talks to her next.  He is honest about how different he is from the other guys here.  He admits they are not as far along as some of the other relationships.  Becca says she thinks it is only fair to him to not go back to his family.  He takes it like the gentleman he is.

She takes the other two guys away to reconvene in the evening.  She tells us she is hoping for a gut feeling to push her one way or the other.  Jason is very confident and they do seem to get along really well.  Wills has been a rock for her too though and they’ve had good times laughing and kissing too.

She tells Jason that he is riskier than some of the other guys because he is not as vocal as some of the other guys.

Wills tells her that he has some stuff to talk to her about.  He gets emotional and tells her that she makes him believe in love again.  He says he is falling more and more in love with her every day.

She sits down with both guys and picks up the rose.  She says this rose is the biggest decision she has made so far and it’s not easy.  She asks Jason if he will accept the rose.  Wills looks terribly heartbroken.

Wills was completely blindsided.

Next week, hometowns. I miss Leo already.

 

 

Meet Claire; She’s a Prankster

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I can’t remember if I told y’all that we officially put a deposit down for a mini Scottish Highland cow, but that we have to wait until Fall or Spring for the right one to be born.  It’s exciting.  Well, in the meantime we had been looking for a lady cow.  We were having a very hard time finding what we were looking for.  Keep in mind, the girly cows are pretty spendy because of all the features they can do- birth babies, feed babies, make milk- which can become cheese.  Anyhow, we had mostly given up the search for a bit since we wouldn’t have the male cow until next year most likely anyway.

You know how sometimes, as soon as you give up, you find the perfect thing?  My brother once proudly and loudly proclaimed that he was focusing on his college and career and wouldn’t be dating or thinking marriage until he was at least 32.  He met the love of his life practically moments later when he was 22.  They got married when he was 23.  You know God had to giggle at his big proclamation.  Anywho, we had mostly given up looking when Tom emailed a lady about some of her mini cows and she responded mentioning that those weren’t available, but they had decided they were going to sell their mini belted Galloway/Scottish Highland cross if we had any interest at all.  Tom sent me a picture.  I could tell he was already in love, but I played along and we went through the motions.  We drove up to where she was currently, about an hour and a half away, and met her.  It was obvious immediately that she was our girl, but unfortunately, our 6 acres were 0% fenced.  They graciously worked with us and said if we paid a deposit, they would keep her until we could get our property fenced.  Keep in mind that with my condition I am 100% useless when it comes to fencing.

Not to worry though.  It’s summer which means this little cowpoke was not only available to help, but eager to help his daddy.  Many a hot day they filled up their jugs of water and ventured off to sweat and bleed (thorny rose bushes + barbed wire) while building the fence together.  Fourth of July the boys worked almost 8 hours to make progress in the hopes of getting her before Carter headed back to his mom’s house.

Carter cowboy

fencing boys

On July 7 we loaded up to go borrow a horse trailer and bring our baby girl home!  She is so pretty and friendly.  She loves being brushed and getting pets.  We knew she would need to run the fences and settle in a bit after arriving.

Before giving her the run of the place, I demanded a family picture.

Claire

Then we opened the gate and let her start exploring.

Claire 2

We spent some time later that evening with her and introducing the dogs.  The next morning we got up and first thing ran to the deck to find her and say good morning.  She was perfectly adorable.  We went into town to get a few other supplies and go to lunch.  When we came home, no sightings.  First thing Tom filled a bucket with beet pellets and took off walking with Carter to find her.  After a bit they came back saying no sign of her.  They took the 4 wheeler next and looked high and low for miss Claire.  After no luck they checked the fence line and found a damaged fence down by the road.

I called the county sheriff and had them take our information in case anyone called with a found cow, but I was terrified someone would find her and just keep her.  The boys started driving the road checking the brush and talking to neighbors giving contact information.  Jacelyn and I started driving the other direction looking for any sign of her.  No cow poop on the road.  I brought Jacelyn back for her to walk the whole property again checking all the thick brush, just to be sure.  She has the cuts and scrapes on her legs and ankles to prove that she checked high and low.  After several long hours and nothing found, we started posting on Craigslist and on every community Facebook page we could find.

Many hot and nervous hours went by.  We took a break after a while to get some water and protein.  We decided we would wait until it was cooler in the evening and try again since she would most likely be moving then.  I said I was going to town to get gas for the 4 wheeler.  Tom said he would take me and told his sister and Carter that he knew I just wanted to drive the road again.  True.  MY BABY GIRL WAS MISSING.

We came back and got Jacelyn and Carter and decided to go down and sit in one spot and shake a bucket for a good half and hour and see if she came to it.  We left Jacelyn and Carter to do that and we left going to talk to the last neighbors we hadn’t checked with.  After no luck, we got Jacelyn and Carter and drove back out by the other cows in the area, knowing she would probably go towards friends, although we had already let them all know to be on the lookout for her.

We finally gave up and it was getting past bedtime as we turned up our road.  I got a security system camera alert, which was nothing exciting.  I had been getting them all day and they were just wasps all day.  I checked, just to be sure and what do you know…  I see a pretty cow hiney walk into view.

We raced to see her.  She had no evidence that she had gone over a barbed wire fence.

One night on the property and she already constructed an underground bunker somewhere.  The amount of relief felt was indescribable.  Not only had we been saving up funds for her for a long time, but the amount of blood and sweat and tears put into fencing, not to mention, we already loved her.  Carter said it was love at first sight the second we pulled in to pick her up.  Also, if she had gotten out, that would mean she would then know that she could get out again, which would be a huge problem.  She also could had visited some boy cows which would normally not be a big deal, except she is a mini so she could not safely deliver a calf from a normal-sized cow.  So it was so much more worry than simply thinking we had lost money.

claire 3

Big hugs all around.  She now has a pretty little bell, which gives me a lot of relief.  I can not always see her, but I can hear her now a lot of the time.  I had a hard time convincing Tom to sleep in the bed inside.  He said he just wanted to go out and sleep next to her holding her lead rope.

Oh, sweet baby girl Claire, you scared us something awful, but we love you so much.  Welcome to our little homestead.

 

 

 

Bachelorette Becca: Episode 6

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It’s Virginia time!  It’s springtime and there are pretty tulips all around that are the same color of her hot pink coat, which I want.

Becca has a chat with papa Chris.  She confesses she’s starting to feel the feelings of love.

Datecard talk is crazy.  Chris and Lincoln have a fight about the ‘what-if’ they had a two-on-one, which continues into a discussion about who would win in a physical fight.  It’s awkward and embarrassing.

One-on-One- Jason

These two are cute, at least when she can remember his name.

They show up at a church where Becca quick looks at her flashcards then mentions that this is where Patrick Henry gave his give me liberty or give me death speech.  Then they go to an Edgar Allen Poe museum since his mother is buried nearby.  After that they hit up an “unhappy hour” which is a weird gothic hipster thing with blood cocktails.

There is trolley riding and kissing then they show up at a bar and she (producers) has arranged for a bunch of his friends to be there.  He is so excited and tells them about the wonder that is Becca.

In the evening Jason talks about his grandma having Alzheimer’s and the importance of living each day to the fullest.  The conversation seems real.  She gives him the rose and they go up to the second level of the clock tower after “dinner”.  There is making out that occurs.

Group Date- Colton, Garrett, Wills, Connor, Blake, Lincoln, Chris

“Let’s make history”

The guys got the memo to wear their best political blue suits.  They are at the capital building.  They meet George Washington and Abe Lincoln.  Honest Abe tells the guys that they will be having a debate in true political form.  It’s called Beccalection 2018.  Oh, ABC.

The real governor is the moderator, which concerns me because shouldn’t he be doing something more- governor-ish?

What’s your ideal date in Virginia? Colton nails his answer that he would take her to the dog park.

Chris asks if all of the guys have been honest and up front.  Chris says no, the other men are not honest.  Chris says Lincoln is malicious and aggressive.  Chris says Lincoln called him a fat **** because he used to be 300 lbs.  He says Lincoln was degrading him.  He says it’s childish and immature that he has to keep defending himself.  Yeesh.  This is almost as childish as an actual political debate.

Becca does not look impressed.

In the evening Becca says let’s just have a good night and leave today behind us.  We all know that isn’t going to happen.  Lincoln pulls her aside first.  He tells her that he is scared of this guy and he doesn’t want to stay with him.  He is aggressive.  Then Chris enters the room.  Lincoln leaves and Becca tells him that Lincoln feels threatened and Connor is worried Chris might lose it.  Chris is ‘hurt’ that this was all fabricated.

Now Chris and Lincoln have each spent their time with Becca talking about each other.  How romantic.

Garrett tries to chat with Becca but she is stressed and flustered.  He asks if she wants him to leave.  She says yes, if he can leave she’ll come get him in a bit.  Garrett tells her to take all the time she needs and then proceeds to go downstairs and yell at Chris about whatever he said to her messing up her head.

Everyone is yelling at each other.  Poor Wills is holding is head.  Becca comes back to get Garrett.  He tries to help cheer her up.  She makes out with Colton.  Wills tells her that he is falling in love with her and it is terrifying.

She gives the rose to Colton because he treats her like a princess and stays true to his word.  Hint– not all of your stay true to your word.  That is your warning, y’all.

Chris makes a proclamation– F*** those other guys.  He’s ready for the main event.  Right then my friend texts me, “Do we know if Chris is in prison right now?”  Valid question.

One-on-One- Leo

The world is our Oyster. -Becca

Becca is not going into this date in her best mindset.  Pull it together, girl.  She looks tired.  He jumps out of the car at the airstrip and he greets her with, “Oh my God, your beautiful thing.” That is not the worst greeting, people.  Becca is going on and on that she can’t get out of her head.  She tells Leo she is emotionally drained.  He says that she doesn’t need to go out on a date and ‘fake have fun’.  Aww.  They have a really cute conversation.  She says she is tired of talking about the other guys then brings up the other guys again.  Leo may be too good for her.  Shhh, don’t tell.

And up next, oyster shucking with matching pony tails!  They are pretty stinkin’ cute together.  They almost forgot champagne, but alas, there it was at the end of their shucking.  They look cold.  I think the hot tub would be put to better use here rather than in the Las Vegas desert last week.  Just a thought, producers.

They get dinner in the big fancy city hall building.  Leo talks about his issues with feeling like he let his dad down and he is very hard on himself.  Why can’t we hear about his stuntmanning?  I know way too much about Jordan’s modeling career.

She gives him the rose, but that’s not all folks… Morgan Evans is singing and they are ushered to the front of the audience.  The people are yelling and cheering.  I would find that annoying, btw.

26- Minutes- Left

Leo comes home and Chris gets up and walks outside.  Is he going to Becca to tattle about something?  Is he off to get murder weapons?  Dude, lose the cameras first!

He’s feeling “rejuvenated, motivated, and ready to fight.”  Poor Becca.  She’s tired.  He goes to her door and she answers in her dress and shoes still.   LIES.  In normal world she would be in sweats, jammies, bubble bath, or in bed, right?

Chris tells her that this is real and he can see himself proposing to her at the end of this.  She is concerned about his quick turnaround from last week when he was questioning everything.  He needs her to not think about that anymore.  It was soooo last week.

 

This little adversity isn’t gonna stop him.  She says she doesn’t think they are going to get there.  He says, “what are you trying to say?”  She says there are too many red flags hitting her in the face.  He says he has been attacked.  She says he has done some attacking too.  He is not happy.  Finally he gets it and she asks if she can walk him out.  He says no, he’s good.  She says she will walk him out to give him that respect.

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Rose Ceremony

No cocktail party, guys.  Why? Probably because she is tired.  Last night she had to stay up until 5 am with that crazy guy in her room.  She put on a super pretty beaded gown to give out some roses, have a quick toast, then bed.

Roses go to:

  • Garrett
  • Blake
  • Wills

This sends home Lincoln and Connor.

We’re down to 6.  Garrett, Blake, Wills, Jason, Leo, and Colton.

Next week, the Bahamas!

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Bachelorette Becca: Episode Five

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Bachelorette Recaps / Uncategorized

Vegas, Baby! ABC sprung for a fancy suite at the Aria.  The guys are pumped at the skyline, oh and hey Becca is there too up in the loft.  Look, I feel like a LOT happens in these short two hours so I will do my best to paraphrase all the magic of this journey.

One-on-One- Colton

Colton scores the first Vegas date.  Rather than visiting the strip, they ride camels in the desert then hot tub.  It was definitely not the most romantic date you could imagine, but she found a way to both jump and straddle and mount him in the hot tub too.  He likes the direction things are heading with her.  No big shocker, he gets the rose.

Group Date- Wills, Garrett, Blake, John, Connor, Lincoln, Jason, Chris, and Leo

They jump on a party bus and zip on over to Wayne Newton’s ‘cabin’, as he calls it.  It’s quite a large estate as you might imagine complete with airplane and peacocks everywhere.  Wayne is unable to blink due to the plastic surgery and botox that was clearly injected as the bus pulled up.  After giving the guys a tour he sits them all down and sings Danke Schoen to them which was awkward.  Then he brought out his 27-year-old wife to sing a few verses to her, which was somehow more awkward.

Next he drops the bomb that the guys are going to write their own songs to that tune AND perform in front of a LIVE Vegas audience (so hopefully they are all very drunk).  They put on black tuxes and jump in a limo with their notebooks of lyrics.  They mostly all were terrible, but Chris actually did pretty well with his writing, as well as his performance.  Of course, this was his second time writing a song for her in two weeks, so by the third time he has to write a song for her, he’ll probably get a record deal.

In the evening the guys get to hang in the hockey arena, but it’s a trick because it is empty and there is no hockey.  FAIL.

Blake takes her outside and they talk.  He tells her that he is upset that Jean-Blanc told her he loved her and took that special moment from her.  He then tells her that he is falling in love with her.  She gets a really big smile.

As evenings of group dates go, she doesn’t get a chance to chat with every guy.  Chris is under the impression that he ‘won’ the date and is ‘ranked at the top’ and therefore deserves time.  He has a bit of a tantrum and says he might just pack up his bag.  Wills mentions that is a bit of a stretch to go from not getting time to chat to automatically packing up the bags.  Oh Wills, with the logic- except for when he picked the floral romper- I can’t quite understand that logic.

Two-on-One- Jordan and David

The day before the two-on-one Colton was sitting in the living room with David and Jordan.  He eloquently explained it like this, “I feel like you guys are two big mountain lions and you’re going to battle it out, but if you battle too much you are both going to fall off the mountain.”  So true.  Hello foreshadowing.

The guys are going to meet Becca in the desert with the ominous bed with a canopy.  Becca has found another use for her faux lumberjack boots.  She paired them with Daisy Dukes for their day in the sun.  Truly, Jordan is comical and ridiculous, but David is so hyper-focused on Jordan that he is just annoying.

They sit down on the bed and Becca mentions how nice the silence is.  David proceeds to fill up the silence with his talking incessantly.  It is awkward.  She takes David to chat first.  Does he start by saying he has missed her and wants to get to know her more? no.  Does he talk about how this journey has strengthened him in some way? no.  Does he ask how she is feeling? no.  He automatically starts talking about Jordan and tattling about things he has supposedly said.  Evidently they were walking through a casino and Jordan talked about the girls he saw.  David told Becca that Jordan feels that he is settling for Becca.  Becca is rightfully angry.

She confronts Jordan who is shocked to hear this.  He claims he absolutely would never say anything like that and never did, nor does he feel this way.  She takes him back to the ominous bed and all three of them sit there and then the fighting starts again.  She grabs the rose and tells David it’s time they part ways, however she is not sure she can give out the rose to Jordan yet.  They get in the jeep and drive off.  David crawls through the desert to meet with his lawyer and draw up his lawsuit for the bunk bed near death injury.

In the evening her and Jordan go to dinner to talk and get to know each other.  Jordan starts out with David-bashing and Becca gently suggest that they put that to bed and get to know each other more.  Jordan says he has a lot he wants to know about her and proceeds to ask her what a typical weekend looks like for her.  She likes to be outdoors.  She likes to lay in bed and read on a Saturday morning with no agenda.  On Sundays she goes to church with the girls and then brunch.  Jordan goes to the gym to stay fit and works on his skincare routine.  In the business (modeling) there is never a day off to make the perfection that is Jordan.  Becca asks how accurate the movie Zoolander is, trying to make light and joke.  This leads to Jordan doing different faces and wishing he had his portfolio.  It is awkward and all about Jordan.  She regrets to tell him she can’t give him the rose; their relationship is just not at the same level as her relationship with other guys- the ones who are slightly less self-centered.  Jordan is shocked and blown away.  She sends him away with a cautionary tale to avoid freak gasoline fights.  Ok, I made up that last part.

Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony

She grabs Chris first, since she didn’t get to talk to him in the evening of the group date.  He starts out by telling her that she “owes him like 50,000 kisses”.

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Bold strategy, bro.  Becca interrupts him to explain her side of not getting a chance to talk to him, and after all, he didn’t come looking for her either.  He gets crankier still and she finally walks away after saying she is getting upset and worked up.

Other guys notice her walk away looking super pissed.  They try to talk some sense into Chris, which fails.  He is too crazy and focused on what he is owed and deserves.  Yikes.

Meanwhile, sweet Wills sits down with Becca to chat about how nerdy they both are.  Chris walks up.

Chris: Can I steal you away for a second.

Becca: We just sat down.

Amy: THAT MEANS NO DUDE.

Chris: I really need to talk to you.

Wills: Dude, you had time already, we just sat down.

Amy: THE LADY SAID NO.

Chris: You really won’t let me talk to her really quick? It’s like really important.

Wills: Are you saying my time with her isn’t important?

Amy: NO MEANS NO.

Wills finally agrees to give him two minutes and then he will come back over.  He walks away and counts to 120 then walks back.  Chris claims it was only 40 seconds.  Wills mentions he didn’t have to get up at all.  Becca finally intervenes and says that she will come find him later.  Chris keeps being annoying and not moving and then Becca says AGAIN that she is a woman of her word and she gives him her word she will come find him later.  He finally leaves and Wills sits down to giggle with her about how he is non-drama.  She has a great connection with him and I really think he is her safe place.

Wills goes back to the group of men, sits down on the couch, takes a drink then looks at Chris and smiles and says, “sup, baby?”

AND ALL OF AMERICA CHANTS: Can Wills please be the next Bachelorette?

Chris is whining to the other guys that he is waiting for her to come get him again.  Garrett mentions that three of the guys haven’t talked to her at all yet and he has talked to her TWICE already.  Chris is whiny and annoying and says the guys are attacking him.  I get bored listening to him talk.  Becca finally comes to get him and he pleads his case that he messed up but he is totally into her.

Papa Chris proclaims it’s time for the rose ceremony.

Going into this- Blake and Colton have roses.

She gives roses to:

  • Garrett
  • Jason
  • Wills
  • Lincoln
  • Leo
  • Connor
  • Chris

This sends Venmo John home.  Don’t worry y’all, he’s gonna be just fine.  Women everywhere are rushing to find him.  He’s a billionaire, he has a sense of humor, he is sweet, and he can chop wood.  He is probably already married.

My Twitter Wins of the Night

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Next week, Virginia!  Which is apparently for ‘lovers’.  Like, it’s a real saying.  I was the only one in my watching party unaware of this so y’all probably know.

Bachelorette Becca: Episode 4

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We pick up in the cocktail party before the rose ceremony because ABC wouldn’t let us see it last week.

A limo rolls up… it’s David- hospital bracelet and all.  The producers made us think that David’s face was going to be horribly mangled.  He looked fine besides a bit of bruising and swelling.  Becca grabs him to talk.  She’s glad to see he is doing better and gives him a rose, so he doesn’t have to stand through the rose ceremony.  He needs more rest, per the doctor.

David walks back out by the guys with his rose displayed proudly on his chest.  Jordan’s face is definitely not his trademark pensive.  That’s angry right there.  David stops to make a point and say hi to Jordan and be a jerk about it.  My friend gives him some noble advice, “Take the high road man… choose one with the guardrail, but take the high road.”

Jordan tells us that Becca will know how unpredictable he is because he is wearing a shirt that calls for a tie, but he is not wearing a tie, so she will know what that means.  We all bet dollars to donuts that she will not know what that means.

Rose Ceremony

Roses go to:

  • Jason (she remembered his name this time)
  • Wills
  • Nick
  • Christon
  • Lincoln
  • Blake
  • Garrett
  • Leo
  • John
  • Connor
  • Jordan
  • Jean-Blanc

This sends Mike (long blonde hair) and some other guy (who I don’t remember ever seeing before) home.

A toast- to Park City, Utah where they are going next!  Will there be scarves? Will there be sweaters? Can we count on snowball fights?

One-on-One- Garrett

None of my watching party remembers seeing a date card.  They are wandering around the city and trying on silly hats and slippers.  I think Becca is a smitten kitten with this boy.

Surprise! They are going Bobsledding!  Two Olympians from 2006 are going to teach them.  Bobsledding is all about teamwork, just like a relationship.  The two Olympians are females who fell in love bobsledding and are now married with kiddos.  Garrett smiles big and says this is great.  All of twitter throws their BS flag because apparently his twitter account was caught liking transphobic and other anti-gay things.  (He has since apologized).

Becca’s heart is beating fast.  She says, “I don’t know what a G is, but it sounds fast.” Afterwards they drink champagne and giggle.  In the evening she wears a long sleeve dress so we remember they are in Utah.  Becca tells Garrett that he reminds her of her dad, in that he likes outdoorsy stuff too.  They talk about past relationships.  Garrett was engaged and married for two months, then divorced. Is that maybe a shorter marriage than Kim Kardashian’s first marriage?  Becca is slightly concerned, but she feels stuff with him.  She gives him the rose.  They make out while walking to a concert of Granger Smith (who?) They are ushered to the front to dance and kiss.  Garrett is falling for her hard.

Back at the House (Chalet? Condo? AirBnB?)

Lincoln thinks the earth is flat.

“Legitimately, Lincoln thinks the earth is flat… and you have to question his sanity.” – Leo

How do people sail around it and not fall off? “Friction” – Lincoln

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Group Date- Jordan, Chris, Blake, Nick, John, Lincoln, Leo, David, Connor, Christon, Jason, Colton, Jean-Blanc

It’s a Lumberjack Bash!

She grew up watching lumberjack competitions.  She’s pumped.  She has two professional lumberjacks to help.  It is very easy to see which have picked up an axe before in their lives.

After some practice they divide up into two teams for a bash competition.  It’s a close battle.

In the evening Becca and Jason get together to chat first.  He tells her that he is nervous because he cares about her.  They do some kissing.  She says he is a good kisser.

Colton tells her he has been in love before, but it feels easy and right when he is with her.

Jordan spends his time with Becca by taking his pants off to show off his little gold underwear that Becca gave him.  He then saunters out to the room with the other guys still showing off his tighty goldies (this part seemed unnecessary to me.  Why wander out to show the guys that you have on gold underwear?)

Colton and Chris take Jordan out to chat.  He’s being annoying and acting like a clown.  Stop it.  He’s tired of being pulled aside to chat.

Jean-Blanc gave her a custom-made scent named the Miss Becca Blanc.  Then he kisses her.  She feels weird.  She thinks maybe he is kissing her because he thinks it is time, not because he really feels it.  She’s not sure.   He gets interrupted.  He goes back again to talk to her to ‘clear things up’.  He tells her that he is falling in love with her.  She gets all quiet and weird.  She doesn’t think she can reciprocate those feelings.  She says they are on different wave lengths.  He asks about maybe taking a step back if they can’t get on the same track.  She asks if she can walk him out (so that’s a no, then).  He stops her at the door to say that he was essentially just saying what he thought she wanted to hear; he didn’t really mean it.

Becca marches around outside in Utah blowing off steam and freezing her hiney off.  She finally goes inside and yells at the other guys about the importance of honesty.  She’s cranky and she’s not giving out the rose tonight (that’ll teach the guys that didn’t do what Jean-Blanc did!) She’s going back to the hotel to take a bubble bath.  Peace, boys.

In the morning Becca is emotionally exhausted.  She wants the guys to say what is true, not what they think she wants to hear.  She is wearing a gorgeous cable knit sweater while telling us this.

One-on-One- Wills

Wills has a man chat about his concerns about where Becca is.  It’s gonna be a tough day for her emotionally and it’s a wee bit unfair for Wills.  She’s crying and telling the camera that she feels off right now.  Wills arrives over the mountain.  She touches on last night’s drama and says she doesn’t wanna focus on that; she wants to have the most fun with him.

They get to snowmobile, but they each have their own snowmobile so not much cuddling or chatting (or screaming to slow down; that’s what I do on the snowmobile with Tom).  They reach a high point and drink champagne together by a fire.  She brings up last night, which I think might mean that maybe she wants to talk about it and can trust him and see how he does as a listener for her.  He seems very understanding and mentions multiple times that he just wants her to feel comfortable.  Her journey towards love is back on track.

In the evening they chat about the importance of honesty– again.  He mentions that he has experienced heart break in the past.  He dated for three years and they talked kids and wedding venues, then all of a sudden she wanted a hall pass.  He said no and then saw her with another guy.  He’s ready to be here now.  She tells him he is an amazing guy and that he is a bit hard on himself at times.  She gives him the rose.  They go outside to make out against a very rocky wall.

Rose Ceremony

Papa Chris shows up at the lodge to tell the guys that there is no cocktail party.  She knows what she wants to do.  Get dressed and get lined up for the rose ceremony.

Roses go to:

  • Leo
  • Colton
  • Blake
  • Jason
  • Connor
  • Lincoln
  • John
  • Chris
  • David
  • Jordan (which causes a lot of the guys to wince)

This sends home Christon (harlem globetrotter) and Nick (attorney).

Next week, Vegas!  What could go wrong?  Tune in to see!

P.S.  This was my twitter win of the night:

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Bachelorette Becca: Episode 3

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It’s raining outside the mansion.  Eggs are being scrambled.  Shade is being thrown.  Bromances are forming.

Chris shows up to tell the guys what this week looks like.  Two “fantastic” group dates and a one-on-one.

Group Date: Wills, Colton, Jason, Jean-Blanc,  Jordan, David

“It’s time to Relax

The guys load up on the bus excited to go hang with Becca… and her girlfriends.  A bunch of the ladies from last season are here to hang too.  It’s a spa day!  The girls are three mimosas in and Becca can’t remember Jason’s name.  Oopsie.  (Did I not say they should be wearing Price is Right name tags?)

The guys are doing pedicures and chair massages for the girls, which I find weird.  Kendall brings the voice of reason, “I’m looking more for which are pampering Becca, moreso than any of us.”

Then the girls took turns painting the guys’ fingernails.  Why? Because mimosas.

We have to spend some time focusing on what Colton thinks about Tia being there and what Tia thinks.  Did he come on the show because he thought it would be Tia?  Do we care?  Becca has to talk to Tia to see what she thinks.  It’s pretty much a nonissue in my opinion and a bit boring.

Fun fact: Baby Bekah is there too.  Someone smart on Twitter wrote: “I hope Bekah let her mom know she was headed out before she left.”  Remember that one time she was missing for a while?

Onto the evening.

Jean-Blanc grabs her hand to admire her nails, then smoothly pulls her up to come away and talk with her.

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Then here comes the drama.  Somehow Tender comes up.  Jordan got a notification for 2017 that said “Congratulations, you hit 4,000 matches in 2017”.  Damn… He also mentions that he thinks his success rate is 100%.  He is certain that every person he swipes right on clearly swipes back.

David- the chicken suit guy- currently has teal nails and takes it upon himself to tell Becca about Jordan’s 4000 matches.  After their talk Becca casually high-fives Jordan in front of the other guys for his 4000 matches.  Jordan calls David a bitch, then says “cheers to you being a bitch.”  (A new favorite toast of mine)

The main entertainment of this exchange was not Jordan and David, in my opinion.  It was these guys sipping cocktails and trying to keep it together on the couch.

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Cheers to Jason and Wills for being all of us- enjoying the drama in the corner.

Becca says it’s time to talk with Colton to make sure he is here for her.  He reassures her.  Evidently he reassures her so well that she gives him the rose.

Jordan is furious.  He is going to be implicit and David needs to be concerned.  Karma is Karma.

One-on-One- Chris

They jump out of the limo at a recording studio.  They get to meet the singer and writer of the song that goes “wherever you go, whatever you do, I’ll be right here waiting for you”.  That guy (Richard Marx) tells Chris that he is going to help him write a love song about his feelings.  Chris looks like he wants to throw up.  I would too.

They have spent 37 seconds together so far.  Who wouldn’t be able to whip up a little ditty quick-like?  Chris has a hard time being vulnerable.  Again, who wouldn’t?  He just met her the other day.

He actually did a really great job with throwing together some lines about being vulnerable and breaking down walls.  They looked pretty cute in their little recording studio makeout session.

At dinner they talk about their background and history.  Chris tells a said story about his dad leaving at a young age.  Five years ago he wrote him a letter and never heard back.  They connect and wander down the hallway to Richard Marx playing the piano.  They dance around and makeout.

 

Group Date- Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, Blake

“We can tackle anything together”

After the date card is read, the guys quickly determine that this must be football.  Leo pipes up that there’s one professional football player and a bunch of chumps!  This is true and funny.

Jordan is bored apparently and quickly tells Colton he has a question for him and it can be one-on-one or in a group.  Jordan says it is about last night.  Colton says ok shoot.  As soon as he hears the name Tia come out of Jordan’s mouth, he says, “nope, this is a one-on-one conversation.” Colton says he would never ask the other guys about their exes.  Jordan quickly points out that the guys last night asked about his love life.  David mentions that Jordan brought it up himself.  Jordan is cranky.  He tells the camera he talks to God everyday and God knows what’s up.  If someone isn’t good in his life, he 86’s them.  Just like God says to do.  Love your neighbor as yourself, or 86 them; it’s up to you.

Suddenly, the cameras return to the mansion to blood smeared everywhere.  As they were putting him on a stretcher, Colton says he looked like a bear attacked him.  His roommate is saying he was laying on the floor flat as a board and covered in blood.  The guys are hoping he is gonna be ok.

And those are the only details we get until Chris goes to tell Becca what happened.  David is in the hospital in ‘intensive care’.  He fell out of bed and landed on his face.

We do quickly flash back to the mansion to see that Jordan has screwed some random pieces of his wood in a crib-like fashion on his bed to David proof it for him.  Nice work, ABC intern on the quick gathering of a drill and chunks of wood.

Onto the football field.  Becca is here.  The guys are suited up-ish in practice gear.  Two ladies from the LFL show up to get these guys in shape, well all except Clay since he plays professionally.  They break into two teams and play some football-ish behavior in front of Becca and 20 or so fans.  Becca is wandering around on the field between plays which we are almost certain is frowned upon in real football.

The blue team finally ties it up, but on the last touchdown Clay hurts his wrist.  This is a problem because this is his livelihood.  I’m sure his coach is watching right now (obviously) and is quite upset with his antics.  He is taken away in the ambulance.

In the evening Garrett shows Becca some tackling techniques.  She gets bored on the second one and just starts kissing him.  Blake is struggling with going from first one-on-one to group date.  It’s not easy, y’all.  Becca cheers him up by making out with him.

Clay shows up with a sling.  He says it’s not the worst news, but not the best.  He says he has to see an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow.  Becca tells him all about how cool it was to see him in his element.  She was impressed that he wasn’t a super rub it in their face and showoff kinda guy.

Clay gets the rose because he ‘makes her feel like such a princess’ and also because maybe he just ruined his professional football career.

Rose Ceremony

Becca steps out of her Uber in a pretty red dress for the cocktail party and rose ceremony.  She informs the guys that she spoke with David on the phone yesterday and he is doing better, but not able to come back yet.

Connor grabs her first.  He takes her outside to a baseball diamond.  She shows off with a nice hit and runs the bases in her slinky high heels.

Meanwhile, Clay is telling the guys his battle.  He was told his wrist needs an operation now.  He can’t really choose not to do it since football pays the bills.  If he leaves though then he doesn’t get Becca.  ?  I feel like if Becca likes him a whole big lot, she can probably just tell the producers that he should be allowed to come back.  Sometimes people are allowed to leave for a family member funeral then come back.  Can’t she just say that should be allowed?

I guess it’s not logical.  He tells her he has to leave to get the surgery done and hand therapy, etc.  I still don’t understand this.  She kisses him goodbye and he gives back his rose.  Becca cries.  I’m confused.

We don’t get to see the rose ceremony tonight.  Dang it ABC, get it together!

 

 

Bachelorette Becca: Episode 2

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Papa Chris gathers the dudes to lecture them about Becca’s intentions.  She’s serious.  Use your time wisely, men.

Group Date- Clay, Nick, Chris R, David, Jean-Blanc, Jordan, Lincoln

“I’m ready for my big day”

The boys get to try on tuxedos and shoes while drinking champagne.  She made a big show of pretending to cover her eyes, but not really.  Jordan shows the others how to walk four steps professionally.

Evidently the guys are going to do an obstacle course.  Rachel and Bryan (mama’s boy) are here to help today.  So, apparently they are still together.

They need helmets and goggles for this activity.  There’s a ball and chain drag, cold feet ice water barrel, some sort of climbing a slippery slope, climbing over your exes (big wooden X’s with flower bouquets, and find a ring in a wedding cake with no hands and then crawl on knees down the aisle.

There was a lot of cheating going on, but somehow Lincoln “won”.  There was some speculation about getting into the cold water tub after someone else and getting out before them.  They all had the same timers, supposedly.

“Kissing Becca is like flying to the moon on the wings of Pegasus while unicorns dance on a pot of gold” – Lincoln.

He reminds me of someone…

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Becca gives Lincoln a picture of her and Lincoln at the altar.  Unfortunately Lincoln kisses it and talks to it throughout the evening.  The other guys are not impressed.

Connor had a tantrum an threw the picture, breaking the glass and landing it into the pool.  He’s a fitness coach, so he probably didn’t know his own strength.  Lincoln tattled to Becca so she lectured Connor about his maturity.  He needs to pull it together.  Later at the house Lincoln cries to other guys about Connor ruining his night.  Just then a friend texted me, “I think I’m going to have to let Connor and Lincoln go.”  Yes.

The group date rose goes to Jean-Blanc.  They seemed to have a good conversation.  He may be a genuine grown up; it’s too soon to tell.

One-on-One- Blake

Blake is excited because he finally gets to ride in a limo, since he rode on an oxen the first night.  They get jumpsuits, visors, boots and sledgehammers.  Blake is excited about his ‘helmet and onesie’.  I like this guy.  He seemed to be able to laugh at the fact that they are not allowed to make their own date or romance and must focus on Arie.  They have to smash his race car and tvs showing the proposal.

Surprise, Lil Jon is here to yell into the microphone.  They smashed fish tanks and a large warning came up on the screen (plastic fish. no animals were harmed).  More concerning though, they smashed so much champagne.  Much champagne was harmed.  They smashed it all so an intern ran out to get a bottle for them to drink.

At dinner they discuss their intense arm pain and their prior relationships.  I think they have a good connection and he is honest and funny.

“Everything seems natural and easy with you.” – Blake

I think top three for this kiddo.  They do some kissing at the table, up against a wall, and all around.  He gets the rose of course.

Group Date- Garrett, Rickey, John, Ryan, Alex, Chris, Trent, Leo, Wills, Colton

“Love comes at you hard and fast.”

The boys load up on a school bus.  They meet Becca, who is dressed in silver shorts, outside on a lawn and head inside.  As they run into the gym kids hurl dodgeballs at them.  Then they run them back and forth through the gym while calling them names and mocking their speed.  I like it.  Leo tells the camera “They aren’t human.”  They get to use the launcher to launch dodgeballs at 50 and 100 mph to get them in shape.

Now they divide into neon teams for a dodgeball tournament on trampolines.  Neon pink versus neon green.  Poor Leo couldn’t keep his hair up.  It was a hard faught battle, but the green frogs won in the end.

Chris says it’s time for the after party.  Becca chats it up with all the guys.  I missed some of it, but I did see her kiss Wills (Mr. Harry Potter tattoo).  He described it as sultry and sweet.

Colton (former Pro football player- charity founder guy) tells the other guys he has to have a conversation with Becca.  He dated Tia from last season.  He called it a weekend together and it just didn’t turn from a spark to a flame.  Becca responds by saying it makes her feel sick.  She needs some time.

The group date rose goes to Wills.  It was probably that sultry and sweet kiss.

Cocktail Party

She has a fantastic royal blue sequin dress with a deep V neck and a high slit.  I approve, but like when can I wear it?  Grocery shopping? Pharmacy pick-up? Physical Therapy tomorrow maybe?

Clay takes her outside to teach her a celebration dance.  It ends with kissing and it is pretty cute.

Connor gets a picture of himself in his tuxedo and covered in cake.  He says he is getting rid of that guy so she can throw it off the balcony.  She is impressed with his owning up to a stupid mistake and moving on.  Well played, Connor.

Jordan evidently gets bored with other guys talking about kayaking so he goes upstairs and strips up his clothes because he wants Becca to ‘get to know his personality’.  I do not follow this line of thinking.  Poor David got interrupted by the half naked guy, who mentions that he is spontaneous and likes to live life on the edge, but his hair will always be well kept.

David confronts Jordan to ask if he thinks that was disrespectful maybe.  Jordan does not see the disrespect.  David says he hopes it she says the way he was ingenuine.  Jordan interrupts him to say it’s called ‘in-jew-in-ity’.

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Rose Ceremony

Becca is conflicted about Colton since he was Tia.  She doesn’t know, but she tells Chris Harrison she is ready.  Going into this Wills, Jean-Blanc, and Blake have roses already.

Roses go to:

  • Chris R.
  • Jason
  • John
  • Clay
  • Mike
  • Connor
  • Leo
  • David
  • Garrett
  • Nick
  • Ryan
  • Christon
  • Jordan
  • Lincoln
  • Colton

 

 

 

The Bachelorette Becca: Episode 1

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Not to worry, y’all.  I’m here to recap the bachelorette this season again.

We have to start out with the reminder of who this Becca chick is.  Remember? She went on the Bachelor with Arie and got picked at the end.  It was her happily ever after… until Arie realized that he just couldn’t live with someone who wasn’t a blonde so he ended it to run off and get Lauren.  The heartbroken Becca didn’t know which way to turn so Chris H. told her she could just pick from 28 guys and do the damn thing herself.

Now you’re caught up.  She speeds up in a red convertible to the mansion (which is a family’s house year-round except when the Bach is filming and they rent it out for a pretty penny).  She has to have mimosas with Jojo, Kaitlin, and Rachel (who got engaged at the end of her season and then they broke up, but now she is engaged to someone else so I guess she is allowed to be on the show?)  But then they talk about how all three of them gave the first impression rose to the guy they are with and they all kissed them on the first night.  So maybe Rachel is still with him.  I don’t know, but I’m for sure not gonna research it.

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They burn sage everywhere to cleanse the mansion and also make it smell like Thanksgiving Turkey.

Get the limos rollin, y’all.  I’m ready.  P.S.- fun fact.  I don’t love night one.  There are too many of ’em and I can’t keep track and ABC refuses to make them wear Price is Right name tags, which would make me much happier and blogging so much easier.

We got football players, models, grocery store managers, dog daddies, and more.

Becca is wearing a gorgeous beaded white gown and waiting in the driveway.  Prepare for hearing let’s do the damn thing ten million times.

Colton- Former Pro Football Player

They pop party poppers of confetti.  Becca thinks he’s handsome.

BIO Blip: Post-football, Colton has dedicated himself to helping children fighting Cystic Fibrosis.

Grant- Electrician

He has respect for what she’s gone through.

BIO Blip:  If the Bachelorette can handle a healthy dose of sarcasm, there will definitely be sparks with Grant!

Clay- Pro Football Player

He’s caught a lot of passes in his day, but he if were to land her, it would be the biggest catch in his life.  He’s gonna catch her later.  Later on he does and they make clay figures together so she can remember his name.

BIO Blip: He is a true gentleman who doesn’t even curse!

Jean Blanc- Colognoisseur

He teaches her how to say let’s do the damn thing in French.  She mentions that he smelled so good.

BIO Blip: Jean Blanc was born in Haiti and immigrated with his family to Boston when he was only two years old.

Connor- Fitness Coach

He gets down on one knee and opens a box asking if she’s ready to do the damn thing.

BIO Blip: Connor is a risk-taker, whose health and fitness is his #1 priority.

Joe- Grocery Store Owner

He forgot everything he was going to tell her.

BIO Blip: Formerly one of the youngest traders on the Chicago stock exchange, Joe turned a successful career in big finance into a successful career in small business.

John- Software Engineer

His grandma always told him that love can happen overnight.

BIO Blip: When he’s not working, you can find him wine tasting, playing guitar or making his world-famous banana bread.

Leo- Stuntman

He lets his hair down metaphorically and physically.  Becca says he has better hair than he does.

BIO Blip: Leo’s been growing his hair for 10 years and prefers the “messy bun” look.

Jordan- Male model

He’s distracted by her looks.  He says later he wants to make sure Becca heard the tapping of his shoes, like a gentleman’s heart.  Inside he tells the other guys he spent six hours hand selecting his wardrobe for the event.  Lord help us all.  He’s gonna be fatiguing.

BIO Blip: When he’s not posing for magazines shoots giving his best “pensive gentleman” look, Jordan enjoys kayaking and running. With a personal best mile time of 4.24 Jordan’s excited to sprint to the finish line with the Bachelorette.

Rickey- IT Consultant

He tells her she’s got all the adjectives going for her; gorgeous, pretty, amazing, etc.

BIO Blip: After college at JMU and a stint on Wall Street, Rickey created a successful online personal training company.

Alex- Construction Manager

He tells her she looks gorgeous.  She loves his tie.

BIO Blip: A self-proclaimed country music lover, Alex enjoys spending time with his dog, Donzi, and taking trips to the beach with his boat.

Nick- Attorney

He shows up wearing a race car driver suit and then asks what kind of underwear you wear with that.  He takes off the suit and says he’s a lawyer so he’s usually good at opening statements, but that’s all had for tonight.  Pretty hair guy comments that reminding her of her ex is maybe not the best move.

BIO Blip: When he’s not winning trials, you can catch him in his signature tracksuits being the life of the party.

Mike- Sports Analyst

He gets out of the limo with a cardboard cutout of Arie.  He says it’s important that he make an appearance tonight to see just how happy and vibrant she is now.

BIO Blip: Mike loves festivals, horse races and state fairs.  He also loves his bulldog, Riggins.

Garrett- Medical Sales Rep

He shows up in a minivan saying he hopes to be a great dad one day.  He shows her that it has a carseat, soccer balls, and a diaper bag.  She laughs at his antics and admits to the camera that it was pretty good.

Later he helps her work on her fly fishing casts by the pool.  Guys inside wonder if she’s catching feelings.

BIO Blip: When he’s not on an outdoor adventure, he’s perfecting his Chris Farley impression. He’s excited to find love with the Bachelorette…down by the river!

Blake- Sales Rep

Blake shows up on an ox and says already his feelings are as strong as an ox.  You might remember that he was on the live- after the final rose introduction show.  He rode a horse and reminded her to get back on the horse.  He’s got access to a lot of livestock evidently.  Later in the night they chat about how much they were able to love the wrong people, so how much must they be able to love the right people.  Becca says they connect and get each other easily.

BIO Blip: Despite excelling at football and basketball, Blake has a secret talent… he’s a great swing dancer!

Lincoln- Account Sales Executive

He also met her on the After the Final Rose show.  He brings chocolate cake to share with her.  Not a bad move.  He gives her a bracelet later during the night.

BIO Blip:  Lincoln would love to have a big family to make his mom proud. Fun fact, Lincoln was named after Abraham Lincoln.

Chase- Advertising VP

He says the Chase is what makes the ending that much better.  She met him on the After the Final Rose.  Uh-oh.  Someone knows his ex-girlfriend and she said he’s not here for the right reasons.  Oooooh. Drama

BIO Blip: A college baseball player, Chase competed in the College World Series twice as third baseman for the University of South Carolina.

Darius- Pharmaceutical Sales Rep

He doesn’t feel nervous; he feels great.

BIO Blip: Darius is an energetic, fun-loving Milwaukeean who loves to dance.

Ryan- Banjoist

She asks about the Banjo.  He says maybe later.

BIO Blip: This banjo-playing Cape Cod native is extremely close to his family. They all play together in a bluegrass band.

Christon- Former Harlem Globetrotter

He’s dying to know more about her and hopes this is the first of many conversations.  Later he takes her to the driveway and has her stand and hold the ball over her head.  Then he jumps over her, grabs the ball, and dunks it.  No Beccas were hurt during the filming of this move.

BIO Blip: Bored with his corporate job in Detroit, Christon sent an e-mail to the Harlem Globetrotters to see if they were looking for new talent. Before he knew it, he was flying around the world entertaining thousands with his acrobatic dunks.

Wills- Graphic Designer

He admits he’s a bit of a closet nerd.  Later he shows her a Harry Potter tattoo that she goes gaga over.

BIO Blip: He loves his job as an Editorial Designer, but not as much as he loves Harry Potter.

Jason- Sr. Corporate Banker

He teaches her a secret handshake.

BIO Blip: When Jason’s not rooting for his hometown Buffalo Bills, he’s belting out tunes from his favorite Disney movies

Kamil- Social Media Participant

He has her walk out into the driveway to meet him halfway, because that is importan in relationships.  Then he takes a step back and suggests she go 60% and she takes a step back.  I knew he was done right there.

BIO Blip: Kamil was born in Poland and moved to the United States with his parents when he was five years old. He learned English by watching cartoons.

Jake- Marketing Consultant

She says he looks familiar and then remembers him from Minneapolis.  She calls him an acquaintance and says she has met him on many occasions.  Later in the night she grabs him to chat about how she thought there were never any sparks when meeting in the past.  He reiterates that he only remembers meeting her once.  She says since they did meet and there was nothing done on either end she doesn’t want him to stay.  He’s worried she remembers a different Jake.  He has had a very transformative year.  He’s a new Jake.  She doesn’t want to waste his time.  He keeps talking when she stands up which is his cue.  Peace out, Jake.

BIO Blip: This adventure-seeking Minneapolis native grew up riding dirt bikes in rural areas, racing motocross since the age of 13.

Trent- Realtor

He shows up in a hearse.  He says when he heard Becca was the bachelorette he literally died.

BIO Blip: This animal lover from Carrol, IA moved to Florida to pursue a career as a realtor and a model.

Christian- Banker

He grabs her hand and has her spin to get the full view.  Hmmmm.

BIO Blip: A natural athlete, he played semi-professional soccer in the States until an injury forced him to retire.

David- Venture Capitalist/Chicken

He gets out dressed as a chicken and squawks Be-caa, Becc-aa.  He says he isn’t here to ruffle feathers and hopefully they will have an egg-celent time.  Later they have a super chill chat together after doing the chicken dance.  He says he’s a lucky bird and she’s a cool chick.

BIO Blip: He loves guacamole, but hates avocado. Hopefully, that’s not a deal breaker for the Bachelorette!

Chris- Sales Trainer

He says he watched her hometown date and knows that the only way to her heart is to win over her uncle Gary.  He has an entire choir get out of the limo to sing a song about a rose.

BIO Blip:  He comes from a family of successful entrepreneurs that retired in their 40s, and he’s determined to do the same!

 

Becca grabs the first impression rose and gives it to Garrett, the mini-van guy who went fishing in the pool.  I guess he was casting vibes out too.  Big kiss for Garrett.

Rose Ceremony

She reminds the guys if they don’t get a rose it’s not because they aren’t great, it’s just because she is following her heart and her gut.

Roses are awarded to:

  • Lincoln
  • Blake
  • Rickey
  • Jean-Blanc
  • Christon
  • Clay
  • Wills
  • Connor
  • Jason
  • John
  • Ryan
  • Alex
  • Nick
  • Trent
  • Colton
  • David
  • Jordan
  • Leo
  • Mike
  • Chris R.

Kamil is really, really embarrassed.  He’s not taking it well that he lost to a chicken.  Chase is sure this is because his ex from two years ago texted another guy to questions his reasons for being there.  Maybe she just didn’t feel it.  Most of the other rejects take it like grown ups.

The preview for the season looks great.  I saw: yelling, crying, kissing, blood, an ambulance, pretty dresses, and name calling!  Ooooh.  I can’t wait.

bach becca new

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

City Girl Walks a Country Mile

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Funny Farm Stuff / Hold My Gatorade and Watch This / Uncategorized

Today was a special day for me.  I was down at a friend’s farm this morning and a mama piggy was giving birth to piglets.  She had given birth to 6 (2 were stillborn) and was working on pushing the seventh baby out.  She was struggling for quite a while and I was starting to get nervous.  For a first time piggy mama, they can get startled easily when the babies are out and grunting and it can scare her.  My farmer friend told me that she thought the next piglet was probably breach.  I was worried.

Anywho…

I grew up in a neighborhood and have watched exactly zero animals give birth before so I’m going to say that I easily qualify as a city girl.  I’ve always liked the Aerosmith song Girls of Summer which has the line:

My favorite thing that drives me wild is when a city girl walks a country mile.

Hence the title for this blog.

So, last weekend I was chatting it up with this particular mommy pig and asking her when she was going to have her babies.  She let me in on a little secret that she was mighty uncomfortable and ready to have her piglets.  Evidently throughout the week she was eating spicy food and going on walks.

mama pig

Take a look at these little hungry beauties and their tiny tails.

piglets

Look at this little babe getting some warmth, cause it’s cold outside, y’all.

piglet

I did take a little video of the breach piggy birth that was holding up the train of the rest of the piggies.  Once she got this one out, the next few came pretty quickly.  I got to help with the delivery and clear the snout area to make sure the piglet could breathe, then help to move it over to the lamp.

Something that is really interesting is that the amniotic fluids and afterbirth don’t have a strong scent, in order to prevent predators from being alerted.  That’s pretty cool when you stop to think about it, that God had a plan to protect piggy babies and mamas when vulnerable.

For this city girl, it was a really cool country milestone.  I’m so thankful I got to see this moment.

If you aren’t squeamish about birth stuff, watch the video below!