It’s raining outside the mansion. Eggs are being scrambled. Shade is being thrown. Bromances are forming.
Chris shows up to tell the guys what this week looks like. Two “fantastic” group dates and a one-on-one.
Group Date: Wills, Colton, Jason, Jean-Blanc, Jordan, David
“It’s time to Relax”
The guys load up on the bus excited to go hang with Becca… and her girlfriends. A bunch of the ladies from last season are here to hang too. It’s a spa day! The girls are three mimosas in and Becca can’t remember Jason’s name. Oopsie. (Did I not say they should be wearing Price is Right name tags?)
The guys are doing pedicures and chair massages for the girls, which I find weird. Kendall brings the voice of reason, “I’m looking more for which are pampering Becca, moreso than any of us.”
Then the girls took turns painting the guys’ fingernails. Why? Because mimosas.
We have to spend some time focusing on what Colton thinks about Tia being there and what Tia thinks. Did he come on the show because he thought it would be Tia? Do we care? Becca has to talk to Tia to see what she thinks. It’s pretty much a nonissue in my opinion and a bit boring.
Fun fact: Baby Bekah is there too. Someone smart on Twitter wrote: “I hope Bekah let her mom know she was headed out before she left.” Remember that one time she was missing for a while?
Onto the evening.
Jean-Blanc grabs her hand to admire her nails, then smoothly pulls her up to come away and talk with her.
Then here comes the drama. Somehow Tender comes up. Jordan got a notification for 2017 that said “Congratulations, you hit 4,000 matches in 2017”. Damn… He also mentions that he thinks his success rate is 100%. He is certain that every person he swipes right on clearly swipes back.
David- the chicken suit guy- currently has teal nails and takes it upon himself to tell Becca about Jordan’s 4000 matches. After their talk Becca casually high-fives Jordan in front of the other guys for his 4000 matches. Jordan calls David a bitch, then says “cheers to you being a bitch.” (A new favorite toast of mine)
The main entertainment of this exchange was not Jordan and David, in my opinion. It was these guys sipping cocktails and trying to keep it together on the couch.
Cheers to Jason and Wills for being all of us- enjoying the drama in the corner.
Becca says it’s time to talk with Colton to make sure he is here for her. He reassures her. Evidently he reassures her so well that she gives him the rose.
Jordan is furious. He is going to be implicit and David needs to be concerned. Karma is Karma.
They jump out of the limo at a recording studio. They get to meet the singer and writer of the song that goes “wherever you go, whatever you do, I’ll be right here waiting for you”. That guy (Richard Marx) tells Chris that he is going to help him write a love song about his feelings. Chris looks like he wants to throw up. I would too.
They have spent 37 seconds together so far. Who wouldn’t be able to whip up a little ditty quick-like? Chris has a hard time being vulnerable. Again, who wouldn’t? He just met her the other day.
He actually did a really great job with throwing together some lines about being vulnerable and breaking down walls. They looked pretty cute in their little recording studio makeout session.
At dinner they talk about their background and history. Chris tells a said story about his dad leaving at a young age. Five years ago he wrote him a letter and never heard back. They connect and wander down the hallway to Richard Marx playing the piano. They dance around and makeout.
Group Date- Clay, Leo, Christon, Ryan, John, Garrett, Mike, Lincoln, Connor, Blake
“We can tackle anything together”
After the date card is read, the guys quickly determine that this must be football. Leo pipes up that there’s one professional football player and a bunch of chumps! This is true and funny.
Jordan is bored apparently and quickly tells Colton he has a question for him and it can be one-on-one or in a group. Jordan says it is about last night. Colton says ok shoot. As soon as he hears the name Tia come out of Jordan’s mouth, he says, “nope, this is a one-on-one conversation.” Colton says he would never ask the other guys about their exes. Jordan quickly points out that the guys last night asked about his love life. David mentions that Jordan brought it up himself. Jordan is cranky. He tells the camera he talks to God everyday and God knows what’s up. If someone isn’t good in his life, he 86’s them. Just like God says to do. Love your neighbor as yourself, or 86 them; it’s up to you.
Suddenly, the cameras return to the mansion to blood smeared everywhere. As they were putting him on a stretcher, Colton says he looked like a bear attacked him. His roommate is saying he was laying on the floor flat as a board and covered in blood. The guys are hoping he is gonna be ok.
And those are the only details we get until Chris goes to tell Becca what happened. David is in the hospital in ‘intensive care’. He fell out of bed and landed on his face.
We do quickly flash back to the mansion to see that Jordan has screwed some random pieces of his wood in a crib-like fashion on his bed to David proof it for him. Nice work, ABC intern on the quick gathering of a drill and chunks of wood.
Onto the football field. Becca is here. The guys are suited up-ish in practice gear. Two ladies from the LFL show up to get these guys in shape, well all except Clay since he plays professionally. They break into two teams and play some football-ish behavior in front of Becca and 20 or so fans. Becca is wandering around on the field between plays which we are almost certain is frowned upon in real football.
The blue team finally ties it up, but on the last touchdown Clay hurts his wrist. This is a problem because this is his livelihood. I’m sure his coach is watching right now (obviously) and is quite upset with his antics. He is taken away in the ambulance.
In the evening Garrett shows Becca some tackling techniques. She gets bored on the second one and just starts kissing him. Blake is struggling with going from first one-on-one to group date. It’s not easy, y’all. Becca cheers him up by making out with him.
Clay shows up with a sling. He says it’s not the worst news, but not the best. He says he has to see an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow. Becca tells him all about how cool it was to see him in his element. She was impressed that he wasn’t a super rub it in their face and showoff kinda guy.
Clay gets the rose because he ‘makes her feel like such a princess’ and also because maybe he just ruined his professional football career.
Becca steps out of her Uber in a pretty red dress for the cocktail party and rose ceremony. She informs the guys that she spoke with David on the phone yesterday and he is doing better, but not able to come back yet.
Connor grabs her first. He takes her outside to a baseball diamond. She shows off with a nice hit and runs the bases in her slinky high heels.
Meanwhile, Clay is telling the guys his battle. He was told his wrist needs an operation now. He can’t really choose not to do it since football pays the bills. If he leaves though then he doesn’t get Becca. ? I feel like if Becca likes him a whole big lot, she can probably just tell the producers that he should be allowed to come back. Sometimes people are allowed to leave for a family member funeral then come back. Can’t she just say that should be allowed?
I guess it’s not logical. He tells her he has to leave to get the surgery done and hand therapy, etc. I still don’t understand this. She kisses him goodbye and he gives back his rose. Becca cries. I’m confused.
We don’t get to see the rose ceremony tonight. Dang it ABC, get it together!