The Continuous Struggle

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Deep Thoughts About POTS / Funny Farm Stuff / Uncategorized

Look.  Everyone struggles, chronic illness or not.  I haven’t blogged in a while because I’ve been riding the struggle bus in one way or another it seems like this whole summer.  We’ve had a ton of crazy fun together as a family and lots of highlights.  My garden is doing well.  Carter showed rabbits, chickens, and his turkey at the fair and we drove over to be able to watch him.  This was my first 4H activity IN MY LIFE.  It is very different than my childhood, which was hockey and dance.  I think out of all the cute photos of Carter showing animals and getting ribbons and such, this is my favorite.  It’s such a cute candid father-son moment discussing strategy and such.

tom and carter huddle

In other news, two chickens went to chicken heaven and I got three new ones to add to the flock.  I now have Marilyn Monroe, Zsa Zsa Gabor, Ginger Rogers, Gina Lollobrigida, Sophia Loren, and Ava Gardner.  Mr. Jamie is fitting in well around our little place.  He adores Claire.  He got super sick right after he arrived and tried to die on us which was terrifying, but he is much, much better now.  He’s happy and healthy!  We love him.

claire and jamie

carter and jamie

jamie kisses

jamie kisses 2

We got to harvest over thirty pounds of honey this year from our hives AND Tom and I got to catch a swarm together which was super cool, and a little terrifying.  They are super happy in a hive now and incredibly busy.  We have a total of three hives now.

honey harvest


We watched a cool lightning storm together as a family out on the deck.


Overall we had a great summer together as a family.  But as for me, I have struggled with motivation and health.  It’s hard to balance feeling like I’m doing something at all or accomplishing anything with what my health and body actually allow.  When one event leads to several recovery days it can become daunting easily. I’ve stepped back from advocating a bit because I feel like I’m lying when I’m telling people what to do and I’m maybe not following my advice.  Focus is huge.  I do the best when my headspace is in the right place and my focus is healthy.

Counselors always ask about goals and ‘what are you looking forward to?’  Tom has done an incredible job with our property and our traditions to always have something for me to look forward to in the future.  I always have something but as far as personal goals it’s so tricky to do a tiny bit on a project at a time.  I have tried to occupy my time with realistic goals.  I always have a piece of furniture in the garage that is ready to be redone, but the days that I am up to it are few and far between.  I have cross stitching and quilting that I always have going.  On days when I don’t have the energy for stairs or furniture makeovers I work on little idle projects.  For instance, today I am continuing to work on my recipe project.  Deep down I have this little fear that someday Pinterest will crash and I’ll never be able to cook anything again!  So, little by little I’ve been typing up and printing off all of my treasured recipes and gathering others from family to compile all together in one binder so that it’s all in one place.  Also, I’m drinking coffee and binging Fixer Upper because it is such a happy and relaxing show.  Plus then fun things happen in bed at night like Tom rolls over and I quick ask him if we should maybe put up faux beams in our living room.  I like to keep him on his toes!

So, in conclusion, I’m still alive.  I’m still striving towards realistic and healthy goals on a day to day basis while keeping my headspace and focus healthy.  I love my life.  I love all my people and my critters and I’m thankful for so much and realize how incredibly blessed I am.  Maybe I’ll blog again in less than four months.  Who knows? It’s a surprise!


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