Bachelor in Paradise starts soon, y’all.
Surprise! Rachel is with Chris to help host the LIVE (but not really) finale. Spoiler alert: all that means is there is more talking in between the actual show clips.
Our last TO BE CONTINUED was in the middle of Peter’s date when he was telling Rachel that he wasn’t sure he would be ready to propose to her in a week. She is crying. She is so confused. No one on earth understands what is confusing her.
They need more time to ‘work this out’. The fantasy suite is the perfect place to do that.
They drink coffee in the morning and Rachel sends him off so she has time to change before her date with Bryan. They ride horseback. She chose the brown horse and he chose the white horse.
He can tell something is off with her. Peter is too much in her head. At dinner Bryan mentions that he had a weird vibe all day. When asked to explain, he said ‘I don’t know’ at least six times. That’s cleared up. Fantasy suite card time. I love the way each guy reads the card as if they have no idea what it will say.
The next morning the lovebirds discuss how last night brought them so much closer (literally).
Rachel looks directly into Peter’s eyes and says she is fully expecting and wants a proposal at the end of this; she has no intention of leaving with a boyfriend.
To no one’s surprise Bryan gets the first rose. As predicted, Peter gets the next. This sends sweet Eric home. Eric is the one who has said he is more than ready for marriage and would propose today if he could. Rachel takes this to mean that he is not ready for marriage. Peter says he is not ready to propose– Rachel translates that he is ready for marriage and he just hasn’t said it yet.
She tells Eric she loves him after walking him out. How sweet.
Cut to the studio so Chris can ask what she was thinking in that moment. If we were playing a drinking game where we take a drink every time she says the word hard, we would all be dead.
Eric comes out on stage. He has a beard now and looks great. He asks Rachel how her heart is. She’s great. She keeps trying to explain why she sent him home without looking like a bitch; it’s not working.
Bryan’s Last Date
It’s time for Rachel’s final day to spend with Bryan before possible-proposal-day. This date includes a romantic hot air balloon ride.
Did my watch party get so bored during this date that we named our favorite Aaron Sorkin shows? Yes. Yes we did.
It’s evening time and he tells her that she is crazy if she doesn’t pick him. Awwww.
Peter’s Last Date
What surprise does Rachel have in store for Peter? A date of going to church to talk to a priest about marriage. So… Bryan got a hot air balloon ride and Peter got premarital counseling?
Rachel asks what Peter’s fears about marriage are. He has no fears about marriage. He is scared of multiple marriages and multiple proposals. Rachel has no clarity– translation, she couldn’t manipulate him into changing his mind and this makes her very mad.
It’s evening; crunch time. Peter just doesn’t know if he can propose to her tomorrow, but he doesn’t want this to be over. He loves her. After much crying he concedes that he is willing to make the sacrifice to propose so he doesn’t lose her. She doesn’t want him to propose because she pressured him into it. (THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT OF ALL OF THIS MANIPULATION?)
To sum up: she wants him to want to propose.
She wants him to want to do the dishes.
P.S. This phrase comes up in a joking manner during some of our loud discussions in this house.
Rachel is crying because Peter doesn’t know what he wants to do. He points out that he doesn’t know what he wants to do in 12 hours, TOMORROW. It’s not good enough for her. They cry. He walks her out. They stop to make out for a while. He says to take a chance. She says no because she knows he will just be doing it because he is pressured.
He makes a comment at one point that she can choose a mediocre life now or a great life with him.
Rachel, I love you.
I love you, too.
She walks out after crying her eyelashes off.
Let’s Bring Peter Out on Stage
First they show him crying backstage. He comes out and admits he is shaking all over. This is the first time they have seen each other since their crying and kissing break up. Rachel takes this sweet moment to basically attack him all over again. In Geneva he promised that he would stay if he thought he could commit. She doesn’t understand why he was still there if he wasn’t willing to propose instantly. She is clearly very angry with him.
She claims it wasn’t just the not proposing, there were other signs that popped up in Geneva.
Peter mentions that he was crying backstage and now feels like he is being attacked (because he is). Rachel asks him why he feels this way. “You don’t feel attacked. I tell you how you feel. I interpret your feelings for you. You don’t feel attacked.”
At this moment I am hoping that he is getting paid enormous sums of money for being here tonight for all of this fun.
He says he does want to apologize for his mediocre comment. Rachel starts waving her finger back and forth that he did say that. He again says he is so sorry and that it was a completely emotional comment.
She pipes up in the bitchiest way possible: “I’m not living a mediocre life. I’m living my best life!” What a BITCH. Peter, you can do much better than this.
Bryan is the only one left. Neil Lane lets him pick a ring. He shows up and speaks Spanish to Rachel. She says a bunch of bla bla bla (the swelling in her eyes from crying all last night has almost gone down) about how he is her forever (because he is all that is left). He proposes. They live happily ever after until they break up in a couple months.
Because I like y’all, I found all of my very favorite tweets about the horror that was this ending and I will share them here!
Like I said, Bachelor in Paradise starts soon.