Bachelorette Rachel: Episode 5

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Bachelorette Recaps / Uncategorized

Two nights of Bachelorette this week!

We pick up with Lee and Kenny out on the deck talking.  Nothing gets resolved because Lee is an annoying jerk and Kenny is a rational person.

Bryan gets the group date rose (we’re still on the spelling bee group date, if you forgot).  The guys gather to chat about Bryan getting the rose.  Kenny speaks up and says Bryan deserved the rose because of all of his good qualities, which he proceeds to list off such as that he is not a snake, like Lee. Well played, Kenny.  Kenny then takes care to whisper to Lee that he is a bitch, since yelling is what makes him aggressive.

Rachel and Jack Stone’s One-on-One

This date starts with a horse drawn carriage ride to a Shuckin’ and Shaggin’ event.  I was confused by both events.  I would have much preferred, if it were me, to be shuckin’ corn, not oysters.  They eat that and some other gross seafood thing.  Apparently it is salty.  You know what else is salty, but doesn’t make you shudder? Popcorn.  Just sayin’.

Image result for austin powers shag gif

Apparently Shaggin’ is a type of dance.  I’m not familiar with this genre of dance and neither is Dancing with the Stars apparently.  Either way, they semi-attempt it and then go out to the beach to talk.  He is WAY into her and she looks mildly bored, or maybe she’s sick from the seafood.

I didn’t see a whole lot of chemistry between these two.  Rachel agreed with me it seems as she sent him home.  Poor Jack Stone.  He will land on his feet.

Meanwhile at the Mansion

Evidently Will drew the short straw so he is forced to go out on the balcony and talk to Lee.  He has to explain to Lee that calling a black man aggressive, is a bit of a stereotype and could anger Kenny for more reasons than one.  Lee immediately jumps to, “Oh, so he’s playing the race card?”  Will explains that he does not believe this was Kenny’s intent to ‘play the race card’.  Lee isn’t listening due to the fear that he might learn something.

Will says this crazy thing next.  He says, “those of us left just have to find a way to coexist.”  Lee says he doesn’t know what he can do other than just step back and try to leave Kenny alone.  Surely this will not happen.  Lee is always telling the camera how much he enjoys getting under people’s skin and irritating others.  Last week he was even sitting on the couch next to Brady telling him that one of the greatest ways to annoy someone is to laugh at them and make them feel stupid.  But ya, I’m sure he’s going to step back and leave Kenny alone.

Rose Ceremony

Rachel announces there will be no cocktail party because she knows what she is going to do.  This news is upsetting to Iggy because he says he really was counting on that time with her (I assume to whine about someone else in the house since that is what he has done the last two times he has spoken to her).

Roses go to:

  • Eric
  • Peter
  • Adam
  • Will
  • Matt
  • Alex
  • Josiah
  • Anthony
  • Kenny
  • Lee

This sends the tickle monster (Jonathan) and Iggy home.

Once the front door closes, Rachel announces that it is time to take this magical journey overseas.  They’re heading to Oslo, Norway, because it’s the perfect place to fall in love.

The guys check out their sweet suite and then Rachel arrives.  She invites Bryan on a one-on-one date.

One-on-One with Bryan

She takes Bryan to the Olympic ski jump.  They get a great view of the city then she mentions that they are going to rappel down.  They conquer it and enjoy their time together.  She sees today she is making sure they have the emotional connection too, not just the physical.

Dinner includes lots of kissing and talking.  Oh, and Rachel gives him the rose.  He admits he is falling in love with her.

Group Date- “I’m Looking for a Guy who is Good with his Hands.”

Included on this date: Adam, Dean, Anthony, Peter, Matt, Will, Alex, Eric, & Josiah

The guys walk into a large gym and see a bunch of guys playing hand ball, which is a combination of football, basketball, and water polo.  I think Alex’s comment upon walking in is my favorite, “These guys are like Vikings.  They are all 7 feet tall and throw the ball about 70 MPH.”  Valid.

They break up into two teams.  For a fun change, Rachel is on a team and plays as well.  Red team beats the blue team.  At the after party that night Rachel refers to Will as the MVP.  As my friend Michaela pointed out, where’s the love for the assister who set him up for all of those goals?

The chats afterwards were interesting.  Most guys were pretty open and genuine.  Then Josiah sits down to talk and proceeds to tell her that when his dad met his mom he told her that God told him she was the one for him and she thought he was crazy.  Rachel breaks in that she would have too.  Yet Josiah continues to say that he believes she is the woman for him.  Rachel gets real and says that she doesn’t find him asking her a lot of questions when they are together and that it seems he is more interested in what he has read about her.  He was one of my frontrunners, but this little exchange makes me nervous.

Next she chats with Peter.  She LIKES him a lot.  They kiss on the patio.  Then he mentions that they still have so much ground to cover.  She suggests they cover that ground in the hot tub, apparently for three and a half hours according to what the guys say when Peter comes back.  Essentially, I’m expecting to see this:

Image result for i thought you were never coming back so i panicked

I’m impressed that they haven’t used the hotel notepad to make their own deck of cards to pass the time.  Maybe a fort made out of the couches and pillows? Even crazier than that, there were still snacks around.  I assume they all got room service.  Remember how Corrinne got so much crap for falling asleep on dates last season? I kinda get it.

Rachel comes in and gives the date rose to Will.  I assume she has made a mistake and pronounced Peter’s name incorrectly.  He is equally confused.

Two-on-One Date: Your Fate is up in the Air.

Includes: Kenny and Lee, of course

In preparation for this date, Lee is seen lifting weights in the hotel gym… in his cowboy boots.  I’m certain this is the first time he has lifted weights.

Image result for lifting weights in cowboy boots meme

Bryan gives Kenny a pep talk (mostly because he doesn’t want annoying Lee coming back).  He reminds him to be the bigger man and keep a cool head and not to let Lee get him riled up.

A helicopter shows up to pick up the guys and Rachel.  They are going to the Norwegian wilderness.  Rachel needs clarity.

The three exit the helicopter and walk across the wilderness.  Lee tells Kenny this is why he wears cowboy boots, because he can do anything in them.

Rachel takes Kenny away first to talk.  He openly talks.  Rachel says to the camera after their chat that she gets a sense of sincerity from him when he talks.

Next, Lee and Rachel chat.  Lee starts his chat by mentioning the violence when Kenny tried to pull Lee out of the van.  He says it’s only when he drinks though.  Meanwhile I am thinking… WHAT? When was that? You know the cameras wouldn’t miss that if it really happened.

Rachel takes Lee back to the wilderness and tells the camera she still has no clarity.

It’s time for attorney Rachel to come out to play.  Rachel tells Kenny what Lee said.  Kenny is actually shocked about the “pulled him out of the van” comment.

Image result for what did he say gif

Kenny walks back to Lee and is ‘rage laughing’, if that’s a thing.  The episode ends and we still have no resolution to when Kenny’s eye will start bleeding and why.

Is Lee really going to punch him?  Will he walk into a tree?

 

 

 

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