The Bachelorette Rachel: Episode 3

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Bachelorette Recaps / Uncategorized

We start back up on this episode with DeMario in the driveway with “security” waiting to talk to Rachel.  She humors him and goes out with her fur shawl to talk to him.  He did have to Uber over, after all.  He says a lot of bla bla bla joy only comes after pain and she should give him a second chance.  She listens and then says no she gave him his chance in the gym and he was not honest with her.

He leaves and contrary to the previews we saw last week the other guys did not all fight him (shocking).  Josiah cleverly perceives that she is not some high school girl; she’s a strong woman who takes no nonsense.  Good observation.

They cheer that she sent him home.  The cocktail party continues.  Tickler Jonathan brings giant hands to his time with her.  Big massive glove hands.  I can’t imagine how that went down with the ABC intern.  “Go forth and fetch massive hands.  No, no, not Hulk hands; those would be too manly.  Big creepy hands.”  Rachel thinks it’s hilarious.

During Whaabooom’s alone time with Rachel he says that Blake is only mad at him because he has a crush on him (PLOT TWIST).  Whaabooom knows this because he woke up one night and Blake was standing above him peeling and eating a banana.  Rachel takes this moment to ask if he finished the banana.  That’s the question she had?

Rachel follows up with Blake and tells him what Whaabooom said.  Blake said this can’t be true because he doesn’t eat carbs so he would never eat a banana.  Mystery solved.

A rose ceremony finally commences.

Roses go to: Brian, Bryce, Eric, Anthony, Will, Jonathan, Jack Stone, Matt, Alex, Adam, Kenny, Brady, Lee, Iggy, and final rose goes to Diggy, which leaves both Whaabooom and Bryce going home.

They say their goodbyes and go out to the driveway to do their final filming about their opinion of each other, since that is what this show is about, and overhear each other which leads to a driveway duel.  I wish it was a duel.  It would have been much more interesting.  Instead it was just swearing and yelling about who was funny and who wasn’t and other nonsense.  Bryce does put his hand on Whaabooom’s shoulder though when he says “F— you.”  So, maybe there is a crush there.  I saw no banana though.

Group Date- “Lights, Camera, Action. Come join me on the set of Ellen.”

Includes: Bryan, Jonathan, Peter, Alex, Will, Fred

Some of the guys have accurately predicted that this date will include dancing since this is Ellen after all.  Rachel and Ellen talk about the guys first.

Rachel: He tickled me when he got out of the limo.

Ellen: I don’t like that.

Rachel: He acted like he was Urkel when he got out of the limo.

Ellen: I don’t like that.

Ellen brings the guys out and demands they take their shirts off and dance in the audience while collecting money for charity.  Some are automatically thrilled.  Others are less excited about surprise-topless-and-dancing-on-national-tv.  Valid.  My first thought would be shooooot, I regret missing those last 60,000 situps.

After the dancing (of which Ellen pointed out that the tickler does not dance well), she brings the guys on stage to play Never Have I Ever, a classic party game.  She asks about kissing Rachel.  Poor Jonathan (tickler).  In his in the moment with the camera he says, “maybe they just kissed her on the cheek, but I haven’t done that either.”

Alex’s in the moment contains a heartfelt apology, “whoever’s grandma I just danced on, I’m so sorry.”

The only other things learned during the Never Have I Ever game include that:

  • Freddy has slept with a woman twice his age.
  • Two guys haven’t thought about having sex with Rachel.  Ellen points out that she doesn’t believe them.
  • Alex peed in the pool at the mansion.
  • None of them have hit on another woman while on a date with someone else.  (Rachel points out that they all danced topless in the audience just moments before. Touche.)

During the evening portion of the group date Freddy awkwardly asks her if he can kiss her.  Everyone cringed.  They made out.  Then Rachel picked up the rose (extra cruel) and asks to talk to Freddy.  She tells him she can’t return the feelings he has and walks him out. She returns and gives the rose (still cold from being out at the rejection limo with Freddy) to Alex.

One on One Date- “Meet me at the Rodeo”- goes to Anthony

Anthony thinks they are going to a Rodeo and realizes as he gets there that they are going to ride horses on Rodeo Boulevard.  It’s pretty weird, but whatever.  They go to several stores and get cowboy boots and belt buckles and matching jackets.  They visit a cupcake ATM and get ‘horse cupcakes’.  I would like to visit a cupcake ATM.

In one store the horse poops and Rachel says it is so embarrassing.

state farm meme

Afterwards at dinner they talk and Anthony seems pretty genuine and normal.  She gives him the date rose.

Meanwhile in the house, Eric is losing his mind.  He doesn’t know how she feels about him and he wants to know.  He says he is going to confront her and ask.  Might I suggest passing a note with three boxes that she can check, yes, no, or maybe?  That worked great through middle school.  Iggy is in this supposed yelling match defending Rachel’s honor or some other nonsense.  I don’t know.  These guys don’t have TV or cell phone and they are B.O.R.E.D.

Group Date: “Sometimes in relationships the women have to take charge.”

Guys included: Brady, Dean, Adam, Kenny, Bryce, Lee, Jack, and Eric.

Rachel shows up at the house with a surprise– she brought her girlfriends from last season to check out the guys and plan today’s date.  They have a party bus complete with stripper pole out front.  The girls ask the firefighter to get on the pole.  Who is shocked that the firefighter is a seasoned pole dancer? Not this cop’s wife… not at all.  After all, they have a lot of down time at the station of course.

The girls chat with the guys to find out the low down on the drama in the house.  I have to quickly pause the TV to confirm what I think I see.  Yes, I knew I loved Raven.  She has an entire bottle of Fireball on her lap.  She is prepared.

raven fireball

She asks two guys (Bryce and Lee) who might not be a good fit for Rachel or might not be there for the right reason.  They both say Eric.  She reports this back to Rachel of course.

The main part of the date is mud wrestling.  No one is thrilled about going up against Kenny, the professional wrestler.  It’s mildly amusing.

At the evening portion of the date Rachel makes a point to talk to Eric.  She tells him that both Bryce and Lee question his motives.  **Sidenote:  Bryce and Lee won’t be riding home on the party bus, because they are currently under it.

Eric confronts the guys.  All the other guys leave the area (brilliant).  Eric says he trusts the way Bryce meant it, but Lee is not trustworthy.  Lee twice tells Eric that he loves him to death.  Eric correctly questions and says, “why do you keep saying that?”

Eric gets the date rose.  Lee says he’s ‘happy for him’.  I don’t believe him.

The Eric drama continues at the rose ceremony cocktail party the next night.  Now it’s time for Eric to confront everyone.  There is yelling and eyebrow raising and other chirping.

I don’t know where I stand on the Eric thing, but I do know that Lee is a tool and his hair is ridiculous.  In the previews for next week Kenny calls Lee a bitch so I’m very much looking forward to that right there.

Until next week.




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