Well since my brother and I each wrote up a little ABC’s of hockey, my brother challenged my mom to write one up from the hockey mom point of view. In case you missed ours, here are the links to mine and his.
Also, side note, this list is really basically my childhood summed up. It’s great. Enjoy!
ABC’s of Hockey
By: Dannell Rasmussen
A- Adversity: All players face it; watch a post game interview sometime.
B- Birthdays: Birthdays for hockey kids are spent with the whole team playing street hockey, eating pizza, watching the Mighty Ducks, and NOT sleeping on your living room floor. Did I mention there are 12 on every team?
C- Cowbell: Every self-respecting hockey mom has one. How else can you celebrate and make sure your kid hears you?
D- Dads: All hockey dads are idiots and want their kids to go straight to the NHL which 99% of them don’t. Most drown their sorrows in Canadian beer. D is also for divorce! We narrowly escaped.
E- Elbow: Which I broke when my son tried to teach me to skate backwards. I just watch now!
F- Finding every Podunk rink in western Canada including one lovingly known as ‘the barn’ (no animal could survive the cold to sleep there overnight). The Mountie on graveyard ended his shift by unlocking the doors at 5 am to let the squirts in to play. Thank God he also started coffee.
G- Goal, which is 100 times more important if your kid scores it. Celebrate– (see C).
H- Hockey- you have to eat around it, dress around it, travel around it, live around it. All hockey all the time, especially if you want your kid to be any good or have a chance at the NHL someday.
I- “I am score!”– A favorite quote from Mr. Malkin referring to himself with limited English. “I am score! There are not score; I am score.”
J- July- A month that non-hockey parents might think you get a break. NOPE! Hockey is year round and July is always filled with hockey camps.
K- Kids: You will inherit a ton. Your team families spend every weekend, three nights a week, and every holiday together. We basically parented together including siblings. I generally hosted the sister club while my boy zoned out playing Mario in another mom’s room.
L- Lunches: and every other meal will be consumed in the car or hotel room to cut costs, unless it is a full team pizza party post tourney.
M- Mystery Trip: The hockey mom’s secret term for desperately attempting to broaden the kids beyond hockey; it’s usually a lovely hike, a museum, or a historical landmark.
N- Net: another quote, this one from the Great One, Wayne Gretzky. He was once asked what he thought of the opposing team’s goalie pads. He said he had no opinion because when he shoots he sees ‘nothing but net’.
O- Older kids: at tournaments, who also get crap ice times and come into the hotel at 1:00 am after their games. They are none too quiet and their dads have usually had quite a bit more of the Canadian beer. This motivates us to leave at 4:30 none too quietly! (see C).
P- Pads: There are so, so many pads and pieces that go into hockey gear. 1) They stink beyond belief. 2) They disappear from the hockey bag as soon as you get to the rink forcing you to visit the other P– Pro Shop, where you must purchase expensive top-of-the-line replacement equipment because the refs will check and you can’t play without all of it.
Q- Queen’s English: spoken in Canada, eh?! They say things like “lift” and “brewsky” and “nappy” (which is not a napkin, but rather a diaper).
R- Ref crew: which you will be called to help facilitate to avoid a forfeit. I personally ran the clock and kept score at so many games. The ref is not mic’d and you will learn the hand signals for every penalty pretty darn quick.
S- Stick: as in hockey stick. These have an alarming propensity for breaking during your kid’s first shift on the ice, sending you to the afore mentioned pro shop to spend the afore mentioned money. Heaven forbid they encounter a bona fide junior hockey team member and get their stick signed, as this renders it completely useless and condemns it to a life of display only.
T- Tape: which is needed to tape the stick mentioned above. Little known fact: tape will evaporate in a hockey bag between the time you leave home and arrive at the rink, forcing you to the pro shop where it is so much cheaper to buy a 6-pack and you know you are always going to need it. No one has played league hockey in my house in over 20 years, yet I have 30 rolls of stick tape in my basement. I’m gonna have to check Pinterest and see if I can find an alternative use for it.
U- Underwear: long. Buy it, and wear it!
V- Victory: is so sweet and must be celebrated (see C).
W- Warmers: put them in your shoes/skates, and gloves if you don’t want frostbite.
X- X: the shape your laces make on your skates, which you are not strong enough to lace for yourself, so your dad does it. Yep, all the way up to 16 years old.
Y- Youth Hockey: Main fact, it takes all of your money. Never mind the gas to go 45 minutes away to practice twice a week and three times on the weekends when we are home, but also the trips to Canada, goody bags for the visiting teams, birthday presents for all twelve kids plus sisters, hockey equipment, meals on the road, hotels, it goes on and on, but basically we loved it!
Z-zzzzz’s: of which you will be drastically short (see crappy ice times mentioned above).
I hope you enjoyed this fun and honest list!